Dear Ms Cheesy, I'm feeling very desperate. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 years. I keep asking him, "When are we getting married?" His answer is: "If we DO GET MARRIED, THINGS WILL CHANGE,,," I tell him yes, they may change but for the better! He says he has seen couples get divorced a few months or a few years after they get married. PLEASE HELP ME, what should I do?
I have been pondering your question for some time. I have to say up front that, although I have an extensive knowledge of cheese, I don’t feel fully qualified to answer your question. I can, however, share a story with you…
A few weeks ago, I made a grilled cheese sandwich for my boyfriend Hamish. Usually he loves my grilled cheese, but on that particular day, he was just taking the tiniest nibbles - really just pretending to eat. When I confronted him about it, he said that he didn’t really want to dig in to the sandwich because he was worried that his new slacks might get greasy. I said “Yes, that’s possible, Ham, but you could put a napkin on your lap.” He said that he has eaten grilled cheese before with a napkin on his lap, and the grease has still soaked through. Anyway, after I brought him an old towel to protect his slacks and he still did not touch the sandwich, I said “Okay, Ham, what gives?” Long story short, it turned out he has a severe aversion to pickle relish, which I had put on the sandwiches that day. I didn’t think to ask him if he likes pickle relish, because he LOVES gherkins (I had not really considered how different those two condiments are, because I had grown up using them interchangeably on my grilled cheese). Anyway, after we had a long talk, I realized that I should have asked him if he wanted pickle relish. It turned out that he didn’t really even want grilled cheese for lunch that day, but didn’t want to tell me because he knows how important grilled cheese is to me. He told me “I’ll always want to share a sandwich with you, but some days I might just want it to be avocado on toast.”
So, Desparate, my point is this: maybe instead of asking “When are we getting married?” you should ask your boyfriend “What do you think about when you picture your future?” And then, maybe over some kind of sandwich, you can talk about what’s important to each of you. Just remember, grilled cheese is great - but avocado toast can be really awesome too.
Avocado Toast with Goat Cheese